9/13/10

Bringing Up Our Boys...Dr. Dobson? Mary Poppins?? NANNY MCPHEE???? ANYONE!!!!




Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him.  
Psalm 127:3

These are they.
from left to right
the 3yr old, the 5 1/2 yr old, the 9 1/2 yr old, and the 37 1/2 yr old
me and the dog, well, we're the only female types in the mix
sigh


Since I'm a list person, I love to make them~I love to check them off~, I'm going make a list of valuable information on the topic Raising Boys: What NOT To Do.

*Please note, I am not an expert boyologist.  I do have a lifetime (a whopping whole 37 yrs and 3 months) of experience of living with all boys with the exception of my mom...and then later my dog.  

Raising Boys: What NOT To Do
by Wendy
experienced daughter, sister, wife, and mother of boys of various ages

1.  When boys are babies, they are cute and cuddly. Do NOT neglect to cuddle and love on them.  When they grow up they will somehow remember that you showed affection to them and care for them.  I think it will help them trust you.  This trust is crucial.

2.  Do NOT take for granted the fact that boys will eventually be less interested in cuddling.

3.  Do NOT ever, for any reason, at any age/stage of their growth and development turn your back on a boy.  The consequences could be staggeringly shocking and regrettable...at worst.  At best...well that remains to be seen.  Never, ever, ever, turn your back on a boy.



4.  Do NOT ever, under any circumstances, forget that boys are wired to be men.  Male, manly, masculine, men.  Don't forget it.

5.  Do NOT ever under any circumstances question their masculinity or speak words to them or about them that would cause them to question their masculinity.  For instance if a little baby boy toots in a diaper change and then giggles in pride...laugh with him and praise him! This may be his first demonstration of his masculinity.  Or if a young boy, yours or someone else's, comes up to you with a grimmace and snarl on his face, arms flexed, staggering towards you and then he GROWLS and charges...SHRIEK! For heavens sake, let him know how convincing he is, for he really does think he is the HULK.  Then later when you are at a sporting event watching a particular young man or 2...cheer loudly at their heroics...don't make too big a scene...but DON'T seem disinterested either.  Let them know you are pulling hard for them.  Much later when they are a man, DON'T  be little or begrudge his chivalry, attempts at romance, etc.  DON'T think that their hobby is dumb or that they can't do anything right.  DON'T look for chinks in their armor.




6.  Do NOT neglect to learn to speak their language.  If your boy speaks sports, learn to speak it too.  If he speaks Star Wars...learn it.  NASCAR...yep, learn it too.  Get the drift?  You want a boy that knows he can talk to you about anything???  Start talking and L I S T E N I N G with interest about what INTERESTS him as early as possible.  This will require an extra effort for most.  BUT the pay off is huge.

7.  Do NOT allow them to turn into couch potatos.  Turn 'em loose!  Give them some room to roam.  Give them some scrap wood, some tools, and just set it out there in front of them like bait...see if they take it and then watch what they come up with.  Boys need to be outside.

8.  Do NOT make them go shopping with you unless absolutely necessary.  Then when only necessary and they must go...plan a treat or two along the way.  Boys of all ages like to know something good is coming if 
they can just hold....on.



9.  Do NOT make them avoid all puddles of water or mud.  

10.  Do NOT look for more ways to say "No" than "Yes"...this exasperates them.  

11.  Do NOT turn your nose up at the bouquets of weeds they bring you.

12.  Do NOT let them see you dishevled and undone...all the time, or too often.  Let 'em see you in your work clothes...working, let them see you relaxin', let 'em see you get dressed up...let 'em see you get out and play.  Be in front of them all that God made us womenfolk to be.  Not a spent, given up on your appearance, remant of the girl/woman you USED to be.  You, their Mama, are the first glimpse of womanhood they will get.  From their perception of you, they will formulate most of their strongest opinions of girls/women.

13.  Do NOT neglect to fill their minds with information.  Boys need to know the nuts and bolts of stuff...all kinds of stuff.  Get them books with bugs and snakes.  Read to them stories about the heroes of the Bible.  When they get into superheroes find a way to connect those superhero qualities to the one true God...in a realistic way.  Know what I mean?  They need to know that God is bigger and more powerful than any "pretend" hero!  AND they need to know that that same God loves THEM!  AND has larger than life plans for their life!  THAT makes them a HERO!  And they are.  They are someone's hero.



14.  Do NOT neglect discipline.  That word comes from the word "Disciple"...which meanst to train.  Sometimes that training involves punishment.  But shouldn't exclude the training.  Punishment without training is fruitless.  It doesn't model God either.  Training with correction not only yields a better behavior, but more importantly a heart change.  Good behavior from a resentful heart...is more like a robot than a man.  Good behavior from a heart after God...that's a real man...that's what you're doing.  You are training up boys to be men.  



15.  Do NOT ever forget to let them know you love them, that you're proud of them, and that you like them.  Even if it embarrasses them a little...when they get older they act weird.  Just never stop letting them know you love them.

Well, I hope this helps.  This list is not all inclusive or complete.  Feel free to share with us in the comments below!

P.S.  We also homeschool, this is our 3rd year and all 3 boys are included.  I'm still working on the time management, but a daily routine and keeping the calendar current helps.  And we love the bear books and Mortimer Mouse books by Karma Wilson,  The Little Golden Book Firetruck book and Little Active Minds Firetruck Book, The Friendly Book, What Do People Do All Day, Curious George Books, Eric Carle books, No No Jack!, Mr. Dog and several other favorite Golden Books, books by Doreen Cronin like the Duck books etc, The David books

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Galatians 6:9




1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis
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This post is for Marriage Monday.  The general topic is "Adding Kids In The Mix".  You can see other contributors at the above link.

14 comments:

  1. Great post...but as for the title, ummm no, sorry I wouldn't take the advice of either of the Wiccan witches you have listed! Dobson and the Bible's advice, YES!

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  2. I really enjoyed your post - so much of it made me smile! My son is now 17 and so much of what you said is true in my experience too!

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  3. I enjoyed reading this post, Wendy! I'll have to remember all of this if I have boys one day! :)

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  4. I agree with everything you said! I like to think I was a womanly influence on our son by letting him know that women like to feel special. Open the door for them, offer to carry the load, use your manners and so on. Our son is almost 20 and the other day we went to the eye doctor and as we entered, he opened the doors for me and allowed me to go inside first. You should have seen the smiles on the women's faces! They knew!

    I told him once that, when he has a girlfriend or a wife, don't leave them in the parking lot and walk ahead just because your legs are longer! He and I along with my long-legged husband (already inside the store) were running an errand, he was probably 14 at the time. I told him "women like it when you walk with them", he just shrugged as if to say, "Okay, Mom" but now that he has a girlfriend, he knows!

    Dave being the oldest of 3 boys never had any "training" from his own Mother and was completely clueless of the fairer sex. Even after being married all of these years I'm not sure he's got a clue yet!! Ha Ha!
    Connie

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  5. Wendy this was fantastic. Where have you been? I hope you'll contribute to Marriage Monday again in the future. I like your style! (Lists)

    I look forward to meeting your boys as "grown ups." Based on this post and what I've learned about your parenting skills, they're going to turn out to be very fine young men.

    Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today. I'm SO glad you linked up.

    Blessings, e-Mom ღ

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  6. Whew. That was a lot of information. I think you just established yourself as an "expert boyologist!" And I loved the pics, especially the feet one.

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  7. Wendy,

    This was AWESOME!! Great advice and I just Loved the pictures you used.

    Your boys are just ADORABLE!!!

    You have so much to look forward to, and always remember to pray for those future wives!

    I'm reaping that blessing now.

    Love your blog. I'll be back♥

    PS I even had male dogs/cats!!!

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  8. You must be a fabulous mommy for your boys! With such wisdom and golden tips you made me smile. I love my boys and agree in so many ways with your post! I adore the snuggly baby memories, last time I turned my back on my boy he jumped on me and almost pulled me over and the last time my big boy brought me weeds he cried 'the neighbor boy said you would say you like them but not really' I said 'What do you think mommy thinks' He smiled and said 'I think my mommy loves anything I give to you cuz you love me and I love you.' OH BOY did I hug him hard and for one moment I wanted to go find that other boy and rub some weeds in his face... ah but he is someones big boy too;)

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  9. Loved, loved, loved reading this! Especially #5 and #12! Well done. Thank you for joining Marriage Monday.

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  10. What a great post! So informative. I have all girls, but I have a feeling I'm destined for grandsons in my future because I've said too often that I wouldn't know what to do with boys. ha. You are very insightful and helpful in your words here. Thanks.

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  11. Anonymous8:26 PM

    What a great post! I have two boys {and two girls} and they can be hard to get at times... although my oldest and I are so much a like it is crazy.

    {Tracy sent me to your blog}

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  12. Hi there - what a great blog!!
    Just wanted to let you know that I think the best way to print the labels at We Love to Illustrate is to use the full 8.5 x 11 label sheets. I think Avery has some and I also believe Staples sells them too..thanks again for the kind visit!
    Shirley

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  13. Great post!!! I'm a mother of 6 boys and 2 girls. One on the way...don't know yet which one this one will add to :) The exception I have is the shopping part. My husband is all man but loves to shop. He is a great thrift shoppper and loves digging for deals. I hate shopping so I think the boys can learn something from their daddy that can benefit their wifes or themselves one day. However, I know that this is an exception and most boys/guys don't fit this description :)

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  14. There is his reward Amy! The bargains, the hunt, the deals...therein is his reward! I'm a bargain/coupon/deal shopper too and intend to teach my boys how to pinch a penny too. :)

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